You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
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judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
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Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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