Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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