so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
