it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
