You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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