Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
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Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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