Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Damn victory sex feels great
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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