Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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