I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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