Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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