she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
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