i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
3pm strippers are depressing
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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