how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Did you just see the Batmobile???
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
