Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
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Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
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I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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