Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
