she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
