My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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