I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
