I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
