just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
