I want to have your abortion
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
