I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I love having hate sex.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
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found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
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we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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