When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
