I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
