allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
