I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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