I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
