O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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