Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
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