Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
