he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
