I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
