I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
