Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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