It's Friday. Sex?
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
