I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
