holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
