ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
