I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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