i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
As shirtless as possible
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
