She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
