It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I could fuck to npr.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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