Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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