I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
