So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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