I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
