If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
