I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
