youre lurking in front of me
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
