listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
