Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
