my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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