this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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