i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
