saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
