hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
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history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
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Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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