you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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