oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
