sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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