You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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