I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
