did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
