but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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