As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
