The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
